sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
