Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
