Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
