Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize