problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
ugly people sure do ruin things
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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