Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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