I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
