the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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