I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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