the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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