well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
A+ Viking dick
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
