Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
