Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
