Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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