omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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