apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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