Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
