he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize