Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
