She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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