we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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