Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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