I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
