normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
