i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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