Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
