I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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