My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
