Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
