You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Congratulations! We have a period
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
