I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize