he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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