i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
you never un-have a 4some
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
