5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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