I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
