There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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