apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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