I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
