Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
