i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
