Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I need moral support for this bender
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
