you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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