It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
