i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
