So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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