i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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