I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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