R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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