so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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