In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
