It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This is my gift to your gina
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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