i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
