a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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