I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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