her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
