my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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