dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize