$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
