Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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