where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
