I think I am morally bankrupt
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize