youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
