I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
