I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
