i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
