You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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