I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
