At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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