You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
