everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
