Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
