Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
