And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
