I didn't shave. On purpose
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
