she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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