he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
