Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
