You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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