Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
