I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
