I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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