im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
