What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
