She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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