Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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