We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
