First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
