You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
