hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
